Alright ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. With 60 days to go to the World Cup, it’s time to make ask some serious questions:
- Is it too late to get a ticket to the Finals? Reasonably priced accommodation? Favela-pricing goes up starting now.
- Do I know someone who can get me a ticket to the Finals? Is anyone in my family related to Sepp Blatter?
- How much money do I need to bribe FIFA and gang to let me in at the last minute?
- Is Putin going? Or is he going to invade Poland while all eyes are on Brazil? (this question is mainly for State Department and government type people)
- If I don’t make it to Brazil, what am I going to do?
It’s the last question most of us are going to be thinking about, so here are some tips:
- Call up your high-school soccer buddies and find out what’s happened in the last 30 years. Remind them that this is a religious experience that only happens once every four years. If we can’t make the pilgrimage to Brazil, then let’s create our own local shrine.
- Find or create your local soccer shrine. This will be either someplace like a pub (with a name like the Richmond Arms) or simply hijack the home of one of your buddies (selection criteria include: television size and quality, fridge capacity, sofa and couch comfort, tolerant spouse who is willing to put up with vuvuzela sounds left over from South Africa, refreshing A/C, and – last and most importantly – clean toilet facilities).
- Dig up or better buy your favorite team’s soccer jersey. Disclosure – Soccerloco sent me one and want me to blog about it. I have not stopped wearing it since it arrived (once I get it off I’ll blog about it in more detail – stay tuned.)
- If your friend does not have one, you may want to do your part to aid the global recovery – buy an obscenely large television. This is always fun and requires your buddies, someone’s pick-up truck, and lots of sound system wiring expertise. Make sure there’s a good friendly on that afternoon, so you can practice watching the game with all your soccer-geek friends.
- Finally, make sure you memorize the schedule. We can’t afford to miss a single game, not even Algeria vs. Russia on June 26th (this is when Putin may decide to go for it).
- Invite your kids. Baptize them in the name of the beautiful game. Make sure you are well stocked with unhealthy snacks – fried stuff is good. Watch the cuss words.
- Make sure you give a speech before each game to put the upcoming game into its proper historical perspective. Some of you will choose to show highlights of previous encounters between the two teams. This is good unless it leads to blows between warring buddies (England vs. Argentina is always fun).
- Be a gracious guest. If your team loses, do not pick fights, especially with the children or your host’s pet.
- Chip in for expenses. Or bring a gift. You can never have too many Brazuca mini-balls.